SUDDENLY, OUT OF NOWHERE, we are struck by the expression on another's face, how he or she speaks, moves, or looks at us. Some quality of beauty penetrates us and almost makes us ache, stirring a desire to reach out and make contact. This is the energy of passion.

 Love's passion is a powerful force that has both inspired and destroyed countless lovers through the ages. One moment it can feel like divine grace; the next moment it can sweep us away in a torrent of hopes and fears that blind us, bend us out of shape, and leave us hurt and disillusioned. As a student of mine once remarked, "No experience has ever made me feel so intensely alive, yet so confused and out of touch at the same time." We have no idea where this intensity of feeling comes from, why it drives us as it does, or where it will lead. No wonder so many people are either addicted to falling in love or scared to death of it, or both at the same time. In societies where arranged marriages are the norm, falling in love is rare and of little consequence. When it does appear, it is dismissed as a temporary form of madness, a youthful folly. In our society, we accord it greater importance, since it gives birth to the romantic feelings that often lead to marriage. Yet its sudden eruption has also torn many marriages and lives apart. So our culture is tremendously ambivalent toward passion, alternately glorifying it as a stairway to heaven-that will lift us above the pain of the world-and denouncing it as a pathway to hell-that will drag us down into the mire of animal lust. Some writers regard falling in love as a rare moment of clearly perceiving another person's deepest essence. Others see it as a hormonal frenzy, or in Scott Peck's words, "a trick our genes pull on [us] to hoodwink us into marriage."  How can falling in love stir up such different reactions and lead to such opposite conclusions? Must passion inevitably breed illusion, causing us to lose our seat and act in ways we later regret? Or can it help us bridge the two sides of our nature and thus connect with life more wholeheartedly? Can a couple continue to draw on it for energy and inspiration, even after many years of being together? Since passion provides powerful fuel propelling a couple's journey forward, it is important to distinguish what is real in this experience from what is delusional. Relating to passion in a sane and healthy way is the first and one of the greatest challenges in a relationship.